Beneath blind spots & leaves
To juggle the shadowswith scant breeze from above,the tilt of lofty branchesmove across the face of green,an unexplained casual-time sundialtravels towards noon.Crowds of grasses raise chants,whistle...
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Wonderful Matt.The skirt is a lovely image to include.Most enjoyable. The picture above...gose nicely." I've got to do something-- even if it's wrong!" ~ For Shir Visit me @ All In A Pen
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Thanks Shir, it came about by looking at the forum picture,it looks like someone is walking away with a shirt/t-shirt tiedaround his/her waist, some relaxed moment.Matt Fellowship of the Pen-...
View ArticleRe: Beneath blind spots & leaves
Have I started a thing here, Matt? Using forum pictures to produce poetry? .. well, if so, then GOOD! cause this is a good poem.RGFellowship of the Pen Need some exercise?..The Challenge Center
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Thanks RG, I think it comes from doing all those picture challengeswe used to do. Somehow I enjoy writing with a viusal imageas a spur, it seems to suit me (plus, I know you'll write somethingfor the...
View ArticleRe: Beneath blind spots & leaves
I use them when I haven't anything much to write about, but want to write anyway.I have been thinking on this one, but nothing definite yet.RGFellowship of the Pen Need some exercise?..The Challenge...
View ArticleRe: Beneath blind spots & leaves
At the moment I often don't have much to write about, so they are a useful trigger.~ Keep thinking on it Matt Fellowship of the Pen- Unravelling
View ArticleRe: Beneath blind spots & leaves
And it triggered another exellent one Matt! I love the referece to the sundial - I hadn't thought of it but you are quite right they all seem 'casual-time' don't they. I wonder why that is. I write in...
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Thank you Jean Maybe it's because sundials are hard to read, youtend to add an "ish" to whatever time you think it is- four-ish five-ish six-ish etc... Matt Fellowship of the Pen- Unravelling
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Nicely descriptive. I love the 2nd verse. JanPlease join me at The Poetry Factory or view my personal webpage at Poems For The Heart and Soul
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Thanks Nik & Jan.Matt Fellowship of the Pen- Unravelling
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The first stanza is simply great, I love the imagery, very original, and as fresh as the green grass.The second stanza made me smile. I think you newly added the last three lines of stanza 3? I think...
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Matt, I agree with Cassia. I suggest you swat the "my" in the second last line for the "the" before desire in the last line.It would make, in my opinion, the desire more important than the view.I like...
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Thanks RG & Cassia,What I meant by view was not just the literal view of the scene,but more my view on life.I've made some minor changes, see what you think now.Matt Fellowship of the Pen-...
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Well, Im hooked on the original ending line, "but not my desire for this place"", your fault, it was just the perfect ending......... I understand from your comment that you want to express something...
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reads well to me. I like the "my" in the last line and can live with two of them close together, considering your comments.RGFellowship of the Pen Need some exercise?..The Challenge Center
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ah, the nice ending is back CassiaFellowship of the pen
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Thanks RG & Cassia for the feedback, the poem's probably not in it's best form, but I think I'll let it be. Matt Fellowship of the Pen- Unravelling
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